I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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