Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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