If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
