Your dad touched me again.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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