I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
