where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
