He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Watching her eat just hurts me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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