Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
