Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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