He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just found puke in my bra..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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