Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
