i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
