Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
