Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
