this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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