3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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