i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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