At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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