You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
