I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize