I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize