i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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