Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
