that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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