So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
