words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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