Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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