Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
