saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
