Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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