it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
