I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
