I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
is it fun? or sober?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize