Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
