Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
