you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
