My sheets look like a crime scene.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
