You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
