I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
