I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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