just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
