I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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