you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
