There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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