I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
