I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
