she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
