Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
