I want to walk on stilts...naked
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize