im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I met the friendliest cop last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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