I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
