chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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