why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
