sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
