i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
