just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
