i may or may not be watching the land before time
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
