Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
