I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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