i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize