I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
