I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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