i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
my liver is dry heaving
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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