Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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