Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
