I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
