Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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