It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
